Monsieur Autio

In 2013 a professor asked the class “where do you see yourself in five years?” I answered, “living in a penthouse in Vancouver [BC, Canada] with a full time teaching position and working for a children’s choir“ to which she seemingly flippantly relied, “Good luck with that!” 

By the summer of 2018 I had it all: I had recently finished my fourth year of teaching music full time while simultaneously directing and managing a children’s choir, volunteering as board member for the Kodály Society of Canada and the presiding over the Kodály Society of BC,  living in a top floor condo (with the address PH11) with my boyfriend of four years, Mr.Tong, enjoying my second summer in our cabin in Hope, BC with our dog, Judith, to boot. I had built the life I wanted five years before and could easily gloat to that professor’s tone five years before. 

To help streamline my commute between teaching and choir I had accepted a position in a new school district was about to start a new adventure as a Kindergarten teacher the coming Fall that was still a solid 45 minute drive from home that took me over two bridges and two highways. To top it all off, July 2018 was my wedding to Mr. Tong! It certainly looked and felt like all the pieces of my perfect life puzzle had fallen into place. That was until the August long weekend when Mr. Tong phoned me to tell me that our dog, Judith, had been struck by a car and was in the dog hospital beyond help. I rushed to see her and said my goodbyes and since then, my real life had to be built from the inside-out. 

Losing Judith sent our newly formalized family into an intense time of grief. For the remainder of the summer, we listened to Oprah’s Super Soul Podcast and were introduced to a whole new way of looking at our grief and our lives. On our trips between Vancouver and Hope we listened and discussed what we heard and slowly we began to have conversations about “being present” and the idea of “consciousness.” 

As the school year progressed so did my listening to Super Soul during my 45 minute commute to and from school and choir.  I remember weeping from the ideas and conversations as I would cross over the bridges and highways. It was through Super Soul that I was introduced to Eckhart Tolle and his two books The Power of Now (1999) and A New Earth (2005) which soon became audio books I would listen to during my commute. These two books introduced me to the idea of ego and better explained the ideas of consciousness, awareness, and presence that permeate Super Soul. 

I am a gay man who spent his teenage and early twenties closeted and during this period of my life I was a teacher-conductor chasing greatness, renown and prestige within the choral and education community. I took every opportunity, presented workshops, and took many courses to become the best. I began to realize through my listening, reading, and journaling that my ego had been steering my inner and outer landscape since I could even remember. The lessons found in Tolle’s books helped me realize there are multiple voices in my head, some the ego, while others are those who notice the ego. I have yet to not ever allow my ego to take over, however, it is much less in charge than it was in 2018 and before.

The idea of presence became a big part of my teaching, and continues to be to today. My early teaching career was when Goldie Hawn’s 10 Mindful Minutes (2011) and the MindUp (2011) curriculum were in vogue. Though I had the MindUp chime and did a bit of meditation to begin my lessons, it wasn’t until studying Tolle’s ideas that I truly began to understand presence. As with any realization I wanted to share my newly knowledge with my students to help them become ware of the multiple voices in our heads and perhaps save them at least 20 years of ego-driven strife. Though no measurable data shows any difference within my students after conducting further presence-based activities the fact that I am more present with myself can only help me be more attentive to my students and their needs.

As time went on more children’s books were being published on the topic of presence and mindfulness, a favorite being Ollie: Une livre sur la pleine conscience by Elise Gravel (2021) (English, Puppy in My Head: A Book About Mindfulness), which so clearly explains the idea of the normalcy of having multiple voices in our heads and the power of breathing to help us gain a sense of calm regardless of what is happening in our minds. 

It took a shock to the system to wake me up to begin my journey towards being a better person, which in turn helps me be a better teacher. 

Do you see yourself in this story? Leave a comment! 

What was the moment you realized there are many voices in your head?

How do you stay present when the class or your life start living in the past, in the future or in ego?

What does presence look like, sound like and feel like for students? For teachers? 

Autios! À la prochaine! 

Bibliography

OpenAI. (2025). [Monsieur Autio Journaling] [AI-generated image]. ChatGPT. https://chat.openai.com/